Soap is not a condiment
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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