someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
