Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
