i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
