4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
