are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
