I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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