just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
