i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
