Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
worst night to have a conscience
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
