dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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