i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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