Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
