What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
