I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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