I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Go christen that room with your naked body.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
