When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
