it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
