i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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