Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
