In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
