her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
