if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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