I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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