hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
