32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
