Who did Billy Mays play for?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
They have beer where we have blood.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
