I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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