And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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