you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
