i jhust puked up my retainher.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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