I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
how drunk are you?
Several
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
