No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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