sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
