The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
