we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
