shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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