So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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