I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
