can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
