Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
