she woke up with a sticky ear
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Boobs are out for the taking
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
