Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
