I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
