I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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