Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
