insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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