You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
