He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We were destined to go to rehab together
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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