I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
