do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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