if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
