The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
