he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
