im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We smell like vodka and hangover
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