What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
