he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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