it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
