Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
