I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
