I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
True strength comes from lack of pants
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
