He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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