Found your dick twin last night
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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