I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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