That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize