Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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