I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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