i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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