I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
