I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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